Some of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had in life was while growing vegetables on garbage mounds in a few West African cities. It is the people I’m with that make it special. But, on the eve of 2015, is this really my only claim to fame as I look back over 2014?
Maybe it’s a confession, but I realized only a shadow of what I wished for in 2014.
I did not change the world, though I still wished I could.
I did not make the world a better place, not even a dent.
I did not connect with a lot of people I wanted to.
I wanted to be incredibly kind, but did not reach as many as I hoped.
I wished to be sincerely welcoming, especially of those different than me, but I could have done better.
I wanted to become a better writer, possibly even intelligent sounding, but I lacked the time and will.
I wanted to talk less, and listen more.
“If I can’t be beautiful, I want to be invisible.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
I wanted to live freer of institutional machines, and I have, but detoxing has proven painful.
I realized that if I were on survivor…. I’d probably be the first one voted out of the tribe.
I wanted to be less intense, but it never happened. Because I don’t know how, and am some what uncertain I would want to be.
I wanted to be a better husband, father, now grandfather (at 47, if you can imagine).
Better than what exactly? Better than who?
Of all the the things I did or did not accomplish, I can claim one simple thing; I know how to grow life on an African garbage mound, from experience.
What will open up before me in 2015?
It does not really matter. Because 2014 was not about me, nor will 2015 either. It’s about serving the people I love at home, and in far away lands in the simple ways that I can. Never been a superstar at much so I’ll certainly be very invisible, once again, for yet another year, and I think that being in the background off the radar is a very good place to be.
“Sink Yourself Overseas”
Happy New Year. Best wishes for 2015.
Thank you for reading this past year. Are you still here? 🙂
“I smiled back and I thought how incredible that was, that they would find the time to smile. There was goodness in the world still, even if you couldn’t always see it.”
― Jenny Valentine, Broken Soup