“Don’t waste much time defending your ego…” Richard Rohr
Ever been wrong? I mean shown to be so thoroughly misguided that you are embarrassed of yourself?
I posted a video on FaceBook that had some elements I’d not thought through very well. Once I thought about it more, some aspects were, in my thinking, wrong. The video made some very valid points too, but one in particular I had to pull pack from.
I wish I had not posted the video for that reason.
Working through my shit is a good thing, but it is hard on my ego. I needed to check my self-righteousness.
There, I lied, again. By implying something that isn’t true. Dare I even suggest that I reasoned it out on my own? That I went into the recesses of my mind, soul and being, ferreting out that error on my own? I’m not that smart. I needed someone else to help me see.
In print, I got walked through the thought procesd by someone with more insight and wisdom than I will ever have.
I discovered I was very wrong too, not that an aspect of the video i posted was wrong. I sheepishly confess that I was wrong, and have been for a long time.
I’ve discovered this to be true of me more often than I care to mention.These life long assumptions keep popping up in some ugly ways.
The deconstruction I have gone through the last twelve years or so has been hard on my ego. It’s not fun realizing you have been mistaken, unkind, or self-righteous….. an asshole.
I’m not as bright, nor as kind as i thought i was, or hoped I am. That realization hurts.
I may or may not come out the other side of asshole in this life.
Seriously, there is a reason I don’t accept very many public speaking dates anymore.
I’m too dangerous.
If you are looking for a sure shot, I’m not safe to have around. You never know what will come out of my mouth.
“The ego doesn’t want to surrender to its inherent brokenness and poverty. Yet the truth is, realizing your imperfection is the beginning of freedom and grace. There is such freedom in no longer pretending to be something we’re not.”
~ Richard Rohr