“There is a story told of two monks in Japan, traveling together down a muddy Road. A heavy rain was still falling. Coming around a Bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.
“Come on girl,” said Tanzan and at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud. Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging Temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself.
“We monks don’t go near females,” he told his Tanzan, “especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”
“I left the girl there,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?”
~Simon Tugwell. Prayer
There is such fear around relationships.
But today is confession time. I kissed a Canadian girl and I liked it. I kissed her over thirty years ago… and I’m still kissing her today, and I still like it.
But gosh, it is stressful to watch people struggle with relationships.
I have been watching one of my own grown young men making the decision to end a two month relationship that was just not working. It’s tough to make decisions like that. Because when you pick up the girl to carry her… its not so easy to set her back down.
Is it because we instinctively understand that relationships should not be entered into lightly, nor tossed aside lightly? But then again, we can’t possibly know much about a person without some time. Let’s face it, dating is not marriage, and that is the time to find deal breakers, isn’t it?
We have other friends our age we chatted with about this very subject.
Like us, they are watching the same struggles for love in their young adult children. They are watching a grown daughter struggle with wanting to be loved and cherished, but the dude ends up crushing her heart and soul so often. But someone is better than no one? Or is it that we hope change will come? She is not being cherished, and everyone knows it but her, it seems. Or at least that was my understanding of their story.
I married a girl who has been my best friend for life. We talked, walked, played and planned, and prayed a whole life together. It has been a joy. I was nineteen when I married her, almost thirty years ago. Some of our friends found the same kind of stable, loving relationship also. It is a gift not all get to share, though we all hoped for it.
Anyway, we chatted about the struggles we are seeing in our children, about how we pray for the same gift, the gift of a great marriage partner, for our children.
It is heart wrenching to watch our kids date people who turn out to be selfish, or bat shit crazy. People who treat others’ hearts like a game.
So many are looking for a lay today, not thinking about a long haul relationship of cherishing one another. Or maybe that has become the new normal to finding and screening a marriage partner for the long haul? I might be old, and old fashioned. But my observation is that this is leaving behind lives filled with more regrets and baggage. Just my opinion.
Anyway, I have one son who married a treasure, and others struggling to connect with people of similar life outlook, values, and spirituality. I asked my twenty two year old about the girls at his work.
“Dad, all they want to do is party, and they drink too much. They think that is the only way to a good time. They don’t consider things like a hike as a good time together.”
Son is not interested in a few hours of fun. He is looking for someone to do a cherished life with. Both sons are looking, but the pond they are in is different, and difficult. Not saying my kids have it right, and that others are all wrong. All I am saying is that their sphere of work and connections here is not connecting them with the similar values they are hoping to find. Including spiritual things, which are important to them as well, and churches around here have so few young women and men attending anymore.
Anyway, it is so dang hard to watch their struggle to find someone to cherish, and be cherished by, until death do them part.
It was not an easy journey for any of us. But it is doubly hard to watch your kids find love.
So, I am praying our sons and daughters find good Canadians to kiss, and that they both like it, for life, a long mutually cherishing life.